His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
