So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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