I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
