If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I supernannyed him into submission
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
