No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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