Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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