i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
