it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
