Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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