I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
