I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
