Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
