Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
