I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
