the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
