11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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