why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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