my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
