Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
