Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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