I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
