no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
