guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
