i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
