I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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