OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
