Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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