i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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