i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
