They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
