Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
