There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
More tranny stories later!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
