I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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