No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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