Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
