About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
