Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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