There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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