conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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