buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's the barista slut.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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