on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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