you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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