I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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