He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
