I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
