sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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