he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
