I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
