I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
