; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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