After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i believe in u and ur pee
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
