I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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