I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize