Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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